why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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