...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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