his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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