Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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