Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
