allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
