dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
