I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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