What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
