How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
