Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Hippo gnu deer
I'm at about main and main street
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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