Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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