Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
