WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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