I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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