dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
