i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
