i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
