how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Everclear isn't food dammit
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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