When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
