I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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