I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
