Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
