He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
