u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Randomize
