I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
