but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
