okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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