I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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