I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
