I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
