fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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