I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I am naked and annoyed.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
