Buhtt sex?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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