somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
