Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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