Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
