you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
