dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
only if we run a train.
done.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just want nice things and good sex
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
