She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
