And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
the liver wants what the liver wants
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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