It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
