You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
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