Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
