look no pants
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
