Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
