i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
