you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
