Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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