I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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