My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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