Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize
